Let this be and End to all war and suffering,
"I promise to let the sun in..." Linkin Park
Last night I dreamt I was a wanted man. I dreamt that a woman, an old crone framed me. She had the bones of many sacrifices. I mean her house tas literally stuffed full of bones and parts of people, stashed in the floor boards and walls. I was living there, I believe that I was renting a room. This woman's energy felt like a mother, maybe my mother.
Keep in mind that I just went to Amma ji on Tuesday of the past week.
So something in this dream happened where I was reported to the police in my local home area of Oceanside Ca. I suddenly was at my mom's house with my brother Brennan. I ran into my old room in the Garage where mostly my step sister's stuff now is stored. It was the easiest thing to find two guns (semi automatic handguns) in her room. I grabbed them and stuck them in my pants. Then I ran outside into the driveway where I stold a motorcycle. And took off as I was chased by the police in police cars.
After about a mile, I crashed the motorcycle and I shot several of the officers after me. By this time I was somewhere local to North County San Diego either at a park, resort, or golf course. I often feel that my Grandfather's Ranch is nearby during this part of the dream, so it is likely that I was at Warner Springs Ranch.
There were several bystanders at this resort. I shot a few of the mildly threatening ones. I killed people until I no longer had any bullets left in my semi-automatic handguns. This in my mind in retrospect amounts to about 14 people killed at this point in my dream. I know that I steal a cop car and drive it to a more deserted section of the resort.
Then there is another woman who feels like the last "crone" that framed me but looks different. This woman lives at the back of the ranch. She turns on a television and there are several blaring news reports about finding the killer that I have become but not only am i blamed for what I have done but on this Report I am blamed for all of the Sacrifices and any bones that were found at the "crone's" house.
I feel myself returning to the "real" world and I am very aware of my dreaming. I believe at this point, I reach into the cop car and grab the shotgun (now knowing Trevor as part of this reality or wakeful state) and knowing that I don't know how to use a shotgun or any of the weapons that I have previously employed in this dream. I point the shotgun at this woman who lives at the resort and turned the TV on. The dream begans to fade at I start to feel more and more aware that I am in bed next to my girlfriend in my home in Vista. Before completely coming back I can feel that the woman I was pointing the gun at was amused by my futile fearful and defensive attempt to protect myself.
In reflection, the energy that the Crone generated allowed me to experience fear for safety and to be afraid of Her. I was then possessed my fear, which took my mind out of my body and drove my identity as part of the dream into a hovering observing perspective but it was in and out of body all the time in this dream. I was both experiencing my actions as a murderer and observing them from third person perspective.
Then today while talking to a friend, she mentions that this woman was a DAKINI.
Thus the dream Makes Sense!!
A dakini is a tantric goddess who often appears as a old crone or a woman who presents a darker side of one's self in order for that person to come to learning or enlightening regarding self and universe. I first learned about the Dakini goddesses when I was listening to a lecture on Tantric Buddhist practices several months ago. It seems that I failed to fully embrace that which was offered by the Tantric Dakini goddess, thus resulting in many choatic situations and death and fear.
Now with my conscious existence in this reality I am prepared for another encounter with the Dakini Goddess because I truely acknowledge her as a teacher and guru with an interest in Teaching me. I know that if presented again with the Dakini choice of responsibility (in my dream I may have forgot to mention that the original old crone wanted me to be responsible for the bones of the sacrifices and I refused), that it is a test of fearlessness and I am to move through my own fear as a choice of faith.
Once upon a time I grew up to learn that Fear was the mindkiller and this dream definately signifies that. I choose love and acceptance as a way of living and this dream has shown me clearly how limited my choice was (especially in the face of death and sacrifice). I understand that in order to further my human and spiritual development, I am going to have to walk and "wake" through my fear.
And this too reminds me of something else..."As I walk through the valley and shadow of death..."
Peace and Blessings,
Trevor Ryan Hughes
Waking Within Co
760-710-1713
http://wakingwithin.blogspot.com/www.myspace.com/wakingwithinwww.myspace.com/trevorryan6Labels: Amma, Crone, Dakini, Death, Kali, Self, Shadow, Trevor R Hughes, Yoga
